LOSING MY LEO

Welcome to my blog on grief and loss: this is my story.

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On December 16, 2020 I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my husband. He was a veteran law enforcement officer. (LEO=law enforcement officer). He had an unexpected health event while off duty. He was 57 years old. To ensure privacy for me and my family, I won't share more than that. 

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As a police wife of 16 years, I have always liked the acronym "LEO." It reminds me of a lion:

strong, brave, and fearless in a jungle filled with danger.

The truth is, most officers have those personality traits; they MUST have them in order to do the work that they do;  after all, who runs *toward* the bullets while others are running away?  My husband had spent almost 30 years in that human jungle and was only a few years away from his retirement. He and I were both looking forward to the day when he took off his Kevlar and gun belt for the last time.

We were getting so excited about him spending his retirement days enjoying his hobbies.....life had different plans for us though.

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You may be curious about the tagline under my blog's title: "This time He gave me a mountain."

It is a reference to a song by Elvis that my husband loved (link here) The song tells the story of a man who had navigated many hardships in life: he describes them as "hills" that he had climbed.

But when he was faced with the loss of his son, he tells God "This time you gave me a mountain, a mountain that I may never climb."

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I identify with this so much now. I have endured my own hills in life; a horrible divorce at a young age,  a chronic and ever-present health condition that I never mention; but I've always endured those hills and God saw me through them.

But losing my precious husband, well....this time He gave me a mountain.

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As I am moving through my journey of unspeakable grief, I have found that I am learning so much about loss. I wanted to share what I've learned in the event it helps others.

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Everyone's journey of grief is different: this is the most basic principle I want to share. The platitudes we've heard all of our lives, the things we say to the grieving, are ridiculous because we use them as a one size fits all approach. It is perhaps the fastest lesson I've learned in dealing with my loss. If you don't agree, that's ok. However, no one knows this road unless you have been given the horrible ticket to travel it and I pray you and your loved ones NEVER receive a ticket.

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But if you are traveling this road, please read on. If you're struggling with how to support someone in their journey of grief, I hope this blog helps you do just that.

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May God Bless and Keep You,

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Kim